Good-bye Lorraine

"At sorrows end our eyes will be opened; we shall see clearly that the light shines with fullness; for this light is our God." Julian of Norwich

Ever since I was a child I loved seeing the sky this way. My grandmother once told me."It is God, Maureen". I always loved to think about that. To me it is heaven opening up to us here on earth. A small, small glimpse to the beauty of what lies ahead for all of us.

On Wednesday, September 22nd everywhere I turned and looked up this is what I saw. Driving into work, mid-afternoon, after work. Heaven did open up and extend it's arms on Wednesday. God's presence was within and all around. My sweet friend Lorraine was called home.

I will miss her but I am so thankful she is out of pain. I rejoice that she is with God and all her questions are answered. Still, I will miss her. I will miss her humor, her stories, her spirit, sharing the Eucharist, her prayers and her support of my journey.

You see, I asked Lorraine to be part of my discernment committee. After much prayer and discussion she declined due to her health. She spend quite sometime discussing this with her spiritual director. How cool is that?....a spiritual director at 82! That is just a glimpse into this amazing woman. She was not an "official" discernment committee member but we discerned together. Discussions, that I will always treasure.

Lorraine not only became a friend but a spiritual partner. We talked about God and His calling us all to do His work, we talked about family, we talked about our children, we shared books, we shared our journeling and we shared talks about her death...an honor indeed.

Lorraine did not fear death. She became ready and welcomed God's embrace to carry her to life eternal. Her pain was great. Her faith that God was with her was even greater.

As I sat with Lorraine in the days leading up to her death, when alert,she would talk about "the suite that God was preparing for her". At one point she asked me if I would go with her. I shared with her that God was not ready for me yet but when He was, would she come for me and help me on my journey? She said,"yes".

There was one afternoon that she said, "You know I will not be here to see you be ordained a priest". I told her I knew that. We squeezed hands and at that moment she asked me if I would bless her. My Catholic-ness creeped up saying to me, "You can't do this, Breathe, Maureen. Breathe." I recall saying to myself.

In this sacred moment, in this sacred place, with the grace of God, I blessed my friend. I can't recall what I said but God me gave me the words. Our eyes met after I blessed her. I told her I would miss her and that I was so, so blessed to have known her. I kissed her hand and forehead.

She asked me to stay , pray and read to her. I stayed for sometime after that reading to her some of our favorite psalms, prayers from Julian of Norwich and Hildagard both her favorites. This were the last words we shared.

During this time I could profoundly feel the sacredness and holiness of our time together and the space around her. I believe providing presence to her--as the Mitzvah describes, we become the Incarnational Presence at the bedside.

I knew that was our good-bye.

Over the next two days Lorraine let go of her self and grew into pure spirit.

You did it well, my friend. Your journey was faithful, peaceful and holy.

Grief.

Barbara Brown Taylor writes, " One sure way to avoid grief is to not care. But
we do care. Our nature is geared for relationship. So we celebrate all our
relationships and risk grief when any kind of relationship ends. But we are
richer because of that relationship."

Amen. Amen.

Good-bye my friend and thank you for trusting me to share in your life and in your death. You have blessed me.

Jessica

This is our song.

My daughter, Jessica, (aka Jessie to me, she now prefers "Jess"), gave me a CD on Mother's Day last year that had song's she downloaded. These are songs that remind her of me, strike a memory, and songs she thinks I will like. Best Days became our song. She would never admit to us using our cell phones as microphones as we sing together driving along in the car. This was a carry over from when she and her brothers were little. We would pass the phone from "singer to "singer" in the car. They all loved it. We had so much fun. Of course they would deny it now!

I miss singing this with Jessie. When I listen to this song, a flood of memories play across my mind and I smile. I recall the night she was born, December 31, 1991 -New Year's Eve. She came into this world with a mind of her own, doing things her way, in her time. Jessie was two weeks late. Her spirit and energy were evident as she entered this world. Labor was three hours from start to finish. As a toddler she showed such care toward her brothers. Admiring and looking up to Jeff from the beginning and embracing Al with "Big Sister" love that they still share today. In preschool, she felt bad for the children who got time out and she wanted to sit with them. Over the years she has cared for her family and friends with a maturity beyond her years. She embraced my grief as I sat with my dying friend and embraced her friend as he watched his mother die, opening a sacred dialogue. So ,it really is no surprise that she is exploring a caring profession and to her artsy side...your life is your canvas. Go create!

She is in her freshman year at college. In the few short weeks she has been gone and who I hear on the phone when we speak, is a new young woman emerging. She is more articulate, more independent, more compassionate, more focused, more spirited, more grounded. These qualities have always been there. It is who she is. I think I sometimes was too busy parenting, navigating through life and high school drama, that I missed some opportunities. I regret that. I am so excited about the new relationship that I feel is developing between us.

I am so thankful we can respect where we each are on our faith journey. I love that I can talk to her about God, practice a sermon with her and her friends in her room and share those mystical moments we both experience from time to time.God has touched her life. My prayer for her is that she will keep her heart open to the movement of the Spirit in her life, where ever that leads her... and she will embrace that never giving up her authenticity.

I know we will continue to have those mother daughter moments that bring us both tears and joys that only and mother and daughter can share.

I thank God for the gift of my daughter and for what her life is teaching me.

The Best Days with you Jess, are always.

Struggling

Romans 5: 1-5

I woke this morning to praying these words.

"Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God, because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to hearing God's glory. We can rejoice, too, we we run into problems and trails, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lend to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."

Paul's words are some of my favorite in scripture. This particular scripture resonates with me and has become my mantra.

Paul's tells us that the future will come but until then, we have to overcome...meaning we will experience difficulties that help us grow. God uses life's difficulties to build our character, develop our perseverance, strengthen our character, all while this deepens our trust in Him.

I read this scripture over and over. I feel God with me as I breathe in every word. God is quiet. Yet, His omnipotent hand and immeasurable love consume me, filling me up, like a dam releasing water, so the struggling areas can be restored.

"This is my comfort in my trouble, that your promise gives me life". Psalm 119:50
I am peaceful in my struggles. That sounds like a contradiction , doesn't it? This peace is not calmness and tranquility. It is contentment. My peace is with God. Knowing He is living in me. He is with me. Even though I can not hear Him right now, by faith I know he is with me. It is that peace that passes all understanding.

My struggle is what it is. I must be in this moment and trust, surrendering to what God wants and accepting what he allows in this moment, in my life. I trust and know by faith that coming out of my wilderness will develop continued strength of my character to serve God, being who He needs me to be for Him, my family and the future work He has planned for me.

And I know it is OK to ask, "God , what are you doing?" and to pray, " Loving God, Help me and guide me."

The apostle Paul submitted his life to God and trusted Him. Paul faced insults, rejection and many difficult trials but he was still was content. He was committed to his calling.

God has blessed me with the gift of faith.
God has blessed me with His love .
God has blessed me with guidance of the Holy Spirit.
God has blessed me with a calling.

Have I like Paul really-really surrendered control to God? Complete control, knowing He has my best interest at heart?

I think God is waiting for me to humble myself before Him in absolute dependence. The pieces of His plan will fit together for His glory. God is in charge.

Who is in charge of your life?

Namaste',
Maureen