Today I am packing away my nativity set. I can't find Jesus.
You see, I hid Him, so he can't be placed in the nativity early. I grew up learning to wait until after midnight mass to place Him in the nativity. Of course with 5 siblings we all would have to take turns. I grew to love this tradition.
As an adult,for years, our nativity, a treasure, is hand carved from a co-worker of John's from years ago. He gave it to us as a gift. Jesus is carved into the arms of Mary, in this one. I love that image of Mary holding Jesus, mother and son. I love that a co-worker of John's, took the time to use his skill to create such a lovely reminder of this most Holy night. The images are modern and simple, a work of art telling this wonderful story.
My sister Joanne, gave me a beautiful nativity set a few years ago, this too, is quite lovely, in a very traditional way, ceramic and every detail is painted on the fine china figures. This nativity enables me to hide Jesus. The baby is seperated from the manger. I have reintroduced this childhood tradition. I get great joy each year when I put them both out. Both are filled with memories and my heart waits with anticipation each year for the new memories created from not only my Advent journey put Christmas as well.
Late Christmas night I went to place Jesus in the manger and I couldn't find him. I can't remember where I hid him. Twelve days past Christmas, as I packed my nativity away, I realize this has had greater meaning for me.
My Advent journey has been both amazing and difficult this year.
I have had some amazing moments in prayer, which comfort me. There have been prayers of just tears, with God knowing what is on my heart when I can't say a word. There have been prayers of thanksgiving, in the quiet of the night as I watched the sun rise, giving hope and promise to the light of a new day. There have been some very difficult moments with prayers for the anguish in my heart, which at times, seems to squeeze the life out of me with a grip so strong that all I can do it put myself in the trust of God's care, because if I didn't I could slip into a dark night of the soul. Through my struggles and through my joys God has blessed me with His presence this Advent bringing me closer and closer Bethlehem.
The light of Christmas for me this year is yet another journey of clarity, perspective, presence and faith that
"all things are possible with God". Because of my faith, I know that God is always with me. I am also learning that God's Presence is with me, at times, in very real ways. This is a gift and almost humanly impossible to describe.
One night in particular, as I walked the labyrinth, my prayer was joined by Presence. I felt a pressing on my entire being. It consumed me. I would walk and pause feeling this pressing and I would take in deep breaths. We each breath, I felt as if I stepped out of myself into a veil of oneness, yet I continued my journey as if someone was walking it for me. As I walked closer to the center there was a calm, peaceful, energy within me, it consumed me and dropped me to my knees. I stayed there for quite some time. There was a glorious presence within me and around me. I don't know how much time passed but I stayed there with this strength, tenderness and peace not of this world. What I felt was an all consuming, all encompassing, real loving embrace and I say: Thank you God for choosing me and for the blessing of resting in You.
"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."
Thessalonians 5:23-24
Henri Nouwen writes in his book "Life of the Beloved" that "as soon as we catch a glimpse of this truth, we are puton a journey in search of fullness of that truth and we will not rest until we can rest in that truth. From the moment we claim the truth of being the Beloved, we are faced with the call to become who we are. Becoming the Beloved is the great spiritual journey we have to make.St. Augustine words, My soul is restless until it rests in you, O God, capture well this journey."
Finding Jesus is different for everyone and the journey is so uniquely personal.
I realized my "missing Jesus" really has deeper meaning for me. I realize the fact that I am always searching for God, always struggling to discover the fullness of love, always yearning for truth, tells me that I have already been given a taste of God, of love and of truth. I can only look for something that I have, to some degree, already found...a very personal relationship with Jesus, that is beginning to embody who I am. Henri Nouwen also talks about how we grow from being the Beloved to fully becoming it. He says,"Becoming the Beloved means letting the truth of our Belovedness become enfleshed in everything we think, say, or do."
I think for me, this is my Epiphany light this year and where the work of Christmas begins.
To become and embrace what it is that God is calling me to be.To trust in the light he continues to guide me to. It is like a fusion of His will to my soul in a most glorious way. I heard a sermon a few weeks ago that resonated with me. I am parapharasing but the essence was, trust in God and step out of His way so He can work in my life. Oh, and the possibilities are limitless. I need to trust in what God asks of me and in the truth he reveals to me, embracing the ongoing power and sacredness of the incarnation, and being an example of God's hands and heart in the world, surrounded by and trusting the Epiphany light each and every day.
So, I smile. My manger may be empty with a missing ceramic Jesus, but I have found Jesus right where God wants him to be, in my heart and working in my life for His glory and to be a blessing to others.
The Work of Christmas by Howard Thurman
When the song of the angels is stilled,
When the star in the sky is gone,
When the kings and princes are home,
When the shepherds are back with their
flock,
The work of Christmas begins:
To find the lost,
To heal the broken,
To feed the hungry
To release the prisoners,
To rebuild the nations,
To bring peace among people,
To make music in the heart.
Namaste,
Maureen
