God Has Rocked My World

When we hear God's call we respond not because we are ready but simply because He has called.

True.

God's call. I ran from it, tried to ignore it, tried to negotiate with God: "You are asking what?","I'm not ready. My family isn't ready, please let's talk about this another time", oh... and the conversation, "You must mean a different Maureen", "I am inadequate to do this". Well, God is persistent. Underlying my denial was this knowing that yes Lord,I have heard you calling in the night. I have heard you each week as the Eucharist is celebrated. I have heard you as I watch and welcome the newly baptized into our community. I have heard you as I walked the journey with my dying friend.I heard you so long ago when I was in grade school, "Follow me".

God has rocked my world.

In the past six years I have gone from stay at home mom with my own practice, working when I wanted with a quiet prayer life to a full time working mom who has listened to God's voice, closed my practice, taken a full time job at the church that pays much less than what I was making, attended a discernment retreat, went through the process of a formal discernment committee that reached consensus for me to move forward. I have had opportunities to preach, Paten,set the table,write call and response liturgy,serve my community, meet monthly with my spiritual director and develop a deeper prayer life.

God has rocked my world.

I thank him everyday for doing so. I thank Him for loving me and trusting me to answer His call. I thank Him for our close relationship so when He asks something out of the ordinary, it is His voice, the voice of a friend who I know and trust, who walks with me.

Yes, God has rocked my world and I have totally rocked the world of my family.

I don't know who this has been hardest on. My children? My husband? Me? This has affected us all in very different ways. My journey has become their journey. No one wanted to believe that at first, not even me. The conversations haven't occurred over coffee at Starbucks or Sunday family dinners. The conversations have occurred over years. Some have been very, very hard. There have been tears and wonderful revelations for all of us. My husband said for a long time that I had changed. I would say,I haven't changed, I am the same me". You know, during one of our conversations I apologized and said, "You are right.I have changed.Having a relationship with God changes you. I am called to be a child of God. I am called to be a wife and mother. I am called to a vocation in ministry".

Following my call has proven to be life-altering. I sometimes try to make sense of the life that has been "given" to me after saying "yes". It has been disrupting to my marriage, confusing to my children and some friends. BUT there are no words to describe the joy of stepping forward in faith and walking with God.

My faith has grown in strength and depth as I nourish my relationship with God. It is my faith that allows me to survive the dark times of my inner and outer turmoil.
I have felt inadequate for the job God is asking me to do. I think it is natural for me to feel this way. I am inadequate all by myself, but God is not asking me to do this alone. I have to look beyond myself to the faithful followers before me. Those in my community, my mentors and in scripture.

Sunday's reading Hebrew's 11: 1-16 is all about faith. The great leaders of faith Abraham and Sarah, Noah, Abel and Enoch. They lived lives of faith. They trusted God.

I want to live a life of faith with my love for God and reverence for His Word. I hope God will use me as an instrument in His hands to help others and as He continues to rock my world (and He will!) I will always have the trust and faith to say "yes".

Namaste,
Maureen